The beauty of marriage

I was SO privileged this past weekend to be standing besides one of my best friends getting married to the man of her dreams! Brittany is now a wife!  It was such a blast of a weekend with amazing people and pure genuine love flowing out of every being that was there to celebrate this proclamation of Brittany and Roberto's love. She was such a beautiful bride and the whole day really showcased their style, love and appreciation for each other. It could not have been anymore perfect! Below are a couple pictures I was able to snap on my phone (also on my Instagram account katskyephoto) of the weekend... the beautiful bride, a picture of their first dance (which Roberto choreographed! Adorable.) and the lodge we stayed at for the weekend. Colorado treated us well. And after the pictures I have a blurp about marriage and the beauty of it all!

I stood in the kitchen washing dishes thinking about all the conversations and advice at the wedding and how I can take my thoughts and form them into a cohesive blog post. So here goes nothing...

This wedding was different from previous weddings I've been in for 3 reasons...

1.  The majority of the bridal party was married. I quickly realized that we are now in the stages of our lives where most if not all of our friends are married and either have kids, have one on the way, or are wanting to start having kids. It was been almost 4 years since we graduated college! WHAT! How in the world did that happen! And not only has it been 4 years since we graduated, most of us have been married for over a year now! It's wild how time just flies by without you even noticing it. 

And since we are all mostly married, Roberto and Brittany got A LOT of marriage (and sex) advice. Probably too much for them to handle. But, the beauty of us all being married is that the advice stemmed into amazing and encouraging conversations that continued throughout the whole weekend. Whether it was the car ride home from the bachelorette party, conversations at the table at the rehearsal dinner, or in the living room after the reception was over. You learn a lot in your first year plus of marriage and it's nice to hear how other couples relationships have grown, hard conversations they had, or wonderful awe inspiring moments that really only happen in that "honeymoon" stage of marriage. 

One of my favorite conversations was with my friend Katie and her boyfriend Rey. I went to college with Katie, I know her and her thought processes very well, and Rey is exactly like her (I'll explain why soon). We were sitting on one of the couches in the awesome lodge we stayed at for the weekend, and Rey asked what is my favorite part of being married. He wanted a real in depth answer, not a surface answer like the sex is great or something. And he knows I will talk about anything, so I did. I've been married for almost 2 years now (March 24) and year two has been pretty different from year one. Everyone told me right before I was married that the first year is the hardest... you are living with someone new, you have to think about everything in terms of the two of you (not just yourself) and you have to figure out how to be selfless. It was great advice, just not for us. Our first year of marriage was the best year of my life. I love living with my husband, I love falling asleep to him every night and waking up to him every morning. I love that I get to experience everything with my best friend. We worked together 5 days a week, we did all our grocery shopping together, we exercised together, ran errands together, and we were involved in church together. It was, and still is, the best thing ever! Year two was a little different. We still do all those things together and love spending every second together, but the petty and selfish arguments rose to the surface way easier than it did in year one. 

So I told them about all the great and amazing things that comes with marriage, but also the hard talks we have had to have. I call them hard talks because I feel like we don't argue. We never raise our voices (if anything we give each other the silent treatment for a little while!) and we never storm out of the house. We have disagreements and we have broken feelings, but out of that comes wonderful and humbling conversations. Mike and I are similar in many ways... but there are some differences in the way we think. I am a planner and he isn't as much. And that has brought up some tough conversations that neither of us wanted to have, but we grew from them and learned so much about the other person. I can't imagine being in a marriage and not having conversations like those. And because of those talks, Mike knows every single detail of who I am. We hide nothing from each other... he knows me better than anyone and that's what makes our marriage so fantastic because I can be 100% myself without ever having to think twice.

Now, Rey and Katie overanalyze and stress out about EVERYTHING when it comes to their relationship. Their relationship started out that way, which is why they are so perfect for each other because they both overanalyze. If only one of them stresses out about everything, they would be in a pretty unhealthy relationship. So, since they have been dating for over a year and a half and are very much in love, they have been thinking about the next step... marriage. But if FREAKS both of them out! They think that every argument will result in their breakup and that they need to have the exact same mindset before they can even think about marrying each other. For them, everything needs to be perfect before they decide to spend the rest of their lives together. Yes you do need to figure out the major details before you enter into a marriage, but you still figure out A TON of stuff once you are married. So I was able to share with them that even though we have very similar qualities, our brains still function differently because we are two completely different people, and that is okay! Your brains don't need to sync up before you get married. Marriage is for acknowledging that you are two completely different people and to figure out how to work with that and transform it into a positive thing that will last throughout your marriage. When I was sharing this with Rey and Katie, they gave out this huge sigh of relief! You could tell that they were trying to make everything perfect before they could consider marriage... and to hear that that is not necessarily the case and there are still things you work out within a marriage was music to their ears. 

2. Sex was discussed in a whole new way. Now, if you know me at all you know I am an open book. I don't shy away from tough situations and if someone asks me about my marriage or sex life (which happened a lot this weekend) I will be very honest with them. So that is a forewarning about the rest of this blog post. I won't go into any detail, but I am going to talk about sex within a marriage. 

Okay, so sex was discussed in a whole new way... I know that sounds kind of weird because you are probably thinking "sex is just sex, right?" but that's why the conversations this weekend were so good for me. Once you are married for one plus years, sex isn't so much talked about like how you talk about it at the bachelorette party. I mean those conversations do come up, but I more so need the emotional and spiritual side of the topic of sex. I was talking with one of the girls in the wedding at the rehearsal dinner who has been married for almost 3 years... and we had such a great almost emotional talk about sex. We got really realistic about the topic which was so often the lingerie actually gets used, your normal go-to positions, when you finally had to admit that you were too tired for sex. It's hard to talk about it like that because you want to put off the persona that you and your husband are still going at it like you did in the "honeymoon" stage of your marriage. I'm not saying your sex life gets worse after the first year of marriage, it just changes. For the good and the bad. It becomes more emotional and meaningful, but it also is harder to work up the energy to do on a regular basis (admit it, you know what I mean). Anyways, not to go into more detail (my husband would not be very happy if I did), but all to say that I had such amazing sex conversations and I think more married women need to have them. I know some couple like to keep their sex life private (which I completely understand) but if you can find a good girl friend to have this awkward talk with, I think you may be very surprised how much you can learn and grow from the conversation. 

3. Everyone was a Christian... a deeply rooted, God centered, humbled Christian. Faith was brought up a lot in conversations and especially in all the marriage advice that was tossed around. It was so refreshing to be apart of a bridal party whose main goal was to pray for the couple and to encourage them to keep God at the center of their relationship. Roberto and Brittany have such a strong faith and I have no doubts that they will continue to grow together spiritually and that they will take on the roles that God has designed them for within their marriage. God was so present during the whole weekend and it was so wonderful to witness Roberto's heart for the Lord and his vision for their marriage with Christ always being at the center. I have no doubt in my mind that they will lead a very humbling and fruitful marriage.

I love you both so very much and I just want to thank you for your inspirational relationship and for having such great people in your life to not only encourage you, but to encourage me as well.

I was truly blessed by the weekend. 

Kat WagnerComment